blurry.

I love how when everything is just so unexplainable, I turn to my ipod, search for songs, the right song that matches what I totally feel and it hits right there where it just summarizes everything that I want to say but I cant. So it's like a secret getaway that relaxes every nerve in my body and just let everything be. Even the songs that does not contain lyrics, the beat just somehow captivates me and lets me loose. What would I do if the world didnt have any music, if I didnt have this getaway, I honestly cant imagine how I would be able to calm myself.

There's so many things I want to say but just comes out in the wrong way and i wish it could have been left unsaid but what about my feelings? I talk because I thought its a way to make things better but I was deceived. There's just some things that are better left unsaid and I should have just kept it all to myself, so no one will have to go through it with me. Just like how it used to be. I wish I could just go back to that, but its getting harder and harder each time. Part of me, dont wanna lose myself but at the same I dont wanna lose what I have. But in life, sacrifices are ought to be made and that is what is chewing me alive bit by bit. I can feel it every day, as I feel like Im losing the one that I want the most just because of me being myself. Is this double consciousness or im just over analyzing things? I wish I could talk to a random person that does not know anything about me and just listen to what I have in mind and not judge me. I wish I could be just exactly what you want, so I wont be left here thinking and questioning myself with dumb things that lead me nowhere but just in circles. In a maze where im just gonna get lost and confused, then in the long run when I know I at least tried, I may still have a bigger chance of losing and not finding my way out. And the worst part is.. Im going to be all alone because no one understands me.

So ill leave my oblivious thoughts to this song called blurry by puddle of mudd.

Everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty and everything is so messed up.
Pre-occupied without you, I cannot live at all.
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble and I crawl.

You could be my someone, you could be my scene
You know I'll protect from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us, but that's not very far

Can you take it all away?
Well you shoved it in my face, this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away?
Well you shoved it in my face.

Everyone is changing, theres no one left thats real
So make up your own ending, and let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost without you, I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble and I crawl

And you could be my someone, you could be my scene
You know that i'll protect you from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing, I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us, but that's not very far

Nobody told what you thought, nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed me where to turn, told you when to runaway
Nobody told me where to hide, nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed me where to turn, showed you when to runaway

If I didnt love you this much, I could have just run away right from the start, but I just cant. Because then if I did, Id be left in the dark questioning myself what could have happened if I stayed. Now that I stay, Im still in the dark questioning myself what else do I have to do to make you wanna stay, what should i do to make you go back to how you used to be, how it all used to be when everything felt so great and right, now it feels like its about to end. I honestly want to feel like you need me still, but its impossible when now youre up there and down here and I'm nowhere near you. Call it selfish, but it just felt so much better when you needed me and actually wanted me to stay.

LIFE

Life, itself is wonderful.
Though the world is known to be evil, cruel, unfair and etc. I love the fact that I exist. After all the stupid risks i take everyday, i'm blessed that I'm still alive.

I wake up, thankful for acquiring another shot, another chance to prove my point to reach the great conquest.

What's the great conquest?
To live life to its fullest.

Life is awesome.
Especially when there's people to love, people to share stories with, people who listens and to listen to, people who cares and to care for, people to share with, people you know will never abandon you.

Life is great.
When you feel like as if everything's against you, and know that the only solution is to deal with it and let it hit you good so you will learn from it, the feeling after is a million times better than finding the solution to a tedious math problem.

People come and go, but im happy that the people I want to stay, actually stays. And the best part is, they want to.

In life, i only need enough, yep i want more but I'll be fine if I had enough. What strikes me the most are the simplest things in life. That money can't buy. Which is love. There's a million of guys out there, so many to choose from. So many heartaches, tears, joy and butterflies I've been through, but all it took was our very first kiss to make world upside down, and to lock my heart. All I want to do is be the closest person to him, all I want to be is the girl he wishes to marry and spend his whole life with, have babies with, plan the future with, and grow old with.

Now it's nothing but a great beginning of my journey. More things to see, to learn, to encounter, more tears, more disappointments, more happiness, and more. But in due time, I know i will be ready to live my dreams.

To the people who loves me dearly and never fails to let me know, thank you. You are the source of my strength and determination, that keeps me going.

16th Month.

Tiger.
In my world, you're at the very center; the king of kings who will never have to worry about being overthrown. You rule my world as if it's your own; you never neglect your duty of taking care of me.

As you stay, you illuminate my days, make my skies clear and maintain its' bluest shade. You make the sun glow, so there will be no signs of sorrow. You keep the temperature warm, as warm as your body when you embrace me tightly which signals me you don't want to let go, you take away the pain of the dark clouds so the brightest stars can twinkle perfectly which reminds me the sparkle of your eyes. The only eyes i can stare at until the end of time. When I'm sad, only you have the ability to gently eradicate the cause of my sadness, just like when you brush off the tears away. Then everything falls back to its place, while the sky displays a rainbow across my horizon to signify that the storm is finally over.

As a king of my sanctuary, you continue to guide me to a whole life full of wonderful surprises. You supply a stream of endless love that flows along and stretches out to the deepest ocean, where the guards of my seas has sunk the treasure chest made out of the finest gold with the anchor that no other man can seek, in it are my promises to you carefully enveloped on a piece of my heart. For i have entrusted you the other pieces of it. Only you have the power to pull this treasure out, for only you, my king i give my everything to.

Baby, you complete me. Thank you. Because of you, everything comes to life and becomes animated just with a hint of your radiant smile. And when you make love to me, you introduce me to this whole new dimension of euphoria that even if i sail the seven seas, i will never succeed on finding an equivalent to it. But the best part of it, is the unique connection only you and i will ever understand and share.

Baby, you're one of a kind and I would not even dare think of losing you. We got this baby. Happy 16th Month:)

I love you, my Josue Gabriel Trejo<3